Master of the Telephone Calls
by Red Witch
Summary: Ever wonder why the Brotherhood has no problems with phones? Here's my answer!


**I don't own X-Men Evolution characters. This is a recording. Hey I just had a thought. How come the Brotherhood has no problems with phones? They have food and water problems, but Lance seems to make his telephone calls to Kitty pretty freely. So this came into my head to explain it all. **

**Master of the Telephone Calls**

"I got it!" Lance grabbed the phone before Fred could. "Hello? Sorry wrong number!" He slammed it down. "Rats!"

"Expecting another Kitty call?" Fred smirked.

"Sorta," Lance sighed. "Maybe I should call her."

"Why not Lance you've only called her forty times this week," Pietro rolled his eyes. "At this rate our phone bill is going to be higher than the national debt."  
"What phone bill?" Lance asked. "I never saw any phone bill."

"Yeah," Todd perked up. "I wonder how come we never saw a telephone bill?" 

"I dunno," Fred shrugged. "Maybe we have a free phone or something."

"I'm gonna call her," Lance picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello Kitty? It's me Lance."

"Oh Lance," Todd said in a high falsetto voice, batting his eyes. "Oooh! Like it's so totally cool to hear your strong masculine voice!" 

"SHUT UP TOAD!" Lance snapped.

"Ooh, Lance you're so strong and protective!" Todd crooned. The other Brotherhood members were holding their sides. 

"Excuse me Kitty," Lance said. "I gotta take care of something. GET OUT OF HERE YOU JERKS!" The house shook slightly. 

"Okay, okay," Todd and the others went outside. "We can take a hint!" 

"Come on guys," Pietro said. "Let's give Lance some alone time with his pretty Kitty."

"Sorry about that Kitty," Lance talked into the phone. "Now we have some privacy."

Little did Lance know that far away someone was listening to his conversation. "Oh look Winters," Magneto groaned. "Another call from that lunatic Avalanche to Ms. Pryde at the X-Mansion. Wonderful. Just what I wanted to hear. Another four hours of romantic teenage drivel." 

"Sir," Winters, his butler said in a monotone voice. "I am not questioning you but I am curious on why you insist on listening in on the Brotherhood's conversations."

"I assure you Winters it is not because there is nothing decent to watch on television," Magneto smirked. "I am simply gathering information. It is one of the many ways I keep my eyes on them and Xavier. Besides, it is not without value. This is how I learned of McCoy's location after his mutation and Ms. Smith's involvement with the X-Women long before Mystique found out. And I learn more about the new recruits as well with each conversation."

"Did you know that Bobby insists on wearing his lucky blue shorts every night before a big test?" Kitty giggled. "He thinks it recharges his brain while he sleeps or something." 

"Of course, some pieces of information are more vital than others," Magneto groaned. 

"Perhaps I should do this sir while you attend to more important matters?" Winters suggested. 

"It's all right Winters. I need you for a more important mission."

"The Operation Rebirth file you wish me to get?" Winters nodded. "I shall obtain that for you at once sir. With your permission."

"You may go," Magneto waved him away. Winters went out the door. "Besides," Magneto muttered to himself. "I don't wish for anyone else under my employ to realize what a lunatic my offspring has become." 

At that moment Pietro interrupted the conversation. "Hey! When are you two gonna start picking out china patterns? How about a caterer?"

"Pietro get off the phone!" Lance snapped. 

"Kitty if you ever get tired of this lunatic you can always go out with me!" Pietro said. "In fact you can bring Rouge along and the three off us can have a great time!"

"In your dreams you psycho!" Kitty snapped. 

"But I am so wonderful and handsome!" Pietro said. "Why wouldn't either of you want to date me?"

"Do you want the short list or the long?" Kitty snapped. 

"Oh lord," Magneto held his head. 

"Get off the phone you demented lunatic I'm trying to have a conversation with Kitty!" Lance snapped. 

"Well I certainly wouldn't want to interrupt your fascinating debate on hair styles," Pietro quipped.

"We were not talking about my hair!" Kitty snapped. 

"Oh my mistake," Pietro said. "What was it? Sweaters? Stuffed animals? Lipstick? You are turning into a real wuss you know that Lance?" 

"I'm gonna turn you into a Quicksilver Casserole if you don't get off the phone you pervert!" Kitty snapped. "Who do you think you are listening in on other people's conversations?" 

"Yeah what she said!" Lance snapped.

"I am the phone police!" Pietro laughed. "You two are under arrest for sappiness!"

"Get off the phone!" Lance snapped.

"Make me!" Pietro said.

"You wanna die?" Kitty snapped.

The bickering continued. Magneto turned down the volume. "I'm starting to get a headache," He grumbled. "Maybe Winters had a point. I should do something more productive while this is going on." 

He turned his attention to a pile of letters on his desk. "Let's see now, let me check my mail. Oh yes the phone bill. WHAT? IT'S HOW MUCH?!?! What the heck? Let me see who these lunatics are calling. X-Mansion, X-Mansion, Pizza, Chinese, X-Mansion, X-Mansion, X-Mansion, X-Mansion, X-Mansion…I am detecting a pattern here. Okay the X-Mansion calls alone are about two thousand dollars. But the rest…Pizza, Chinese, Chicken Shack….Food. It figures. Wait a minute, what is this one? JAPAN? WHAT ARE THOSE LUNATICS DOING CALLING JAPAN? Oh I remember, they were bored and started dialing different numbers to see who they could talk too. Which explains that conversation I heard with that English lord two weeks ago. And it was dumb luck he was bored as well. That's right. Five hours of them talking about what the weather was like and bodily function jokes. The things I put up with in order to obtain information. If it wasn't so valuable for me to keep tabs on them I'd have pulled the plug on them months ago!" 

"What else is on here? This phone bill is over 30 pages long! And 20 of those pages are calls to the X-Mansion. Oh here's a new one. It's that Principal Kelly's phone number again. Must be making more prank calls. Well at least they're not being totally unproductive. Let's listen in on the love birds some more."

He turned on the volume again. Somehow Lance and Kitty had gotten rid of Pietro and were now alone again. "So Kitty," Lance asked. "What are you going to wear to school tomorrow?"

"Well I was thinking about wearing my pink top," Kitty said.

"Yeah and wear it with that gold necklace!" Lance said. "You look so good in that!" 

"Oh god," Magneto grabbed some aspirin. "Wonderful. My Brotherhood of Mutants has turned into the Brotherhood of Fashion!"

"You really think I look cute in that outfit?" Kitty said.

"He'd think you would look cute in a garbage bag!" Magneto snapped. 

Another voice came on the line. "Alvers how long are you going to be on the phone? Some of us have to make calls too!"

"Gee Summers," Lance snapped. "It must be important! I really should let you call the Emergency Hotline for Total Dweebs! Too late! Your case is terminal!" 

"Scott will you get off the phone?" Kitty snapped.

"Lance why don't you get off the phone?" Scott snapped. "You sound tired. Have you been thinking?"

"Gee Summers how long did it take you to think up a line like that?" Lance said. "Or did you hire a speechwriter?" 

"At least I don't get my insults from Garfield books," Scott snapped.

"No you get them from Snoopy books," Lance cackled.

"Guys quit it!" Kitty shouted. "PROFESSOR THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!" 

"The perfect end to a perfect evening," Magneto groaned and hit his head on the wall as the teenagers quarreled. "And they wonder why I haven't contacted them? They give me a headache even when I'm a thousand miles away from them! I got to get more recruits. Adult recruits. Definitely more adult recruits!" 


End file.
